Loneliness
Freedom from Boredom and Loneliness
By Desmond Yeoh
Recently Ravi had a conversation with James, a top executive of a global organisation. Somehow, they got to the topic of being alone and he told Ravi that he hated to be alone. When he is alone, he feels lonely and bored.
Ravi tried to recall the last time he felt bored or lonely and realised that he has not felt that way for a very long time. He recognised this as a gift that comes naturally to those who meditate and engage in spiritual practices. It is a blessing from the Divine.
Ravi said, “Boredom and loneliness arise because of inertia. When we are active all the time, the mind just refuses to slow down. It is like trying to stop a moving car. But if we overcome the initial period of restlessness, we will soon appreciate the serenity of being alone. The next time you feel bored; resist the temptation to find some distraction. Just be still for a while and after 20 minutes of so, you will begin to enjoy the peacefulness and calm.
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We do not notice it but when we fill our life with activity, there is a build up of stress in our body and mind. That is why people who are active all the time are often irritable and can blow up over minor matters. Human beings just cannot tolerate too much activity. We need time to be alone so that we can release the tension in our body and mind.
Only when we are alone in silence, are we truly with the Divine. By being aware of the silent moments between the thoughts that arise from our subconscious mind, we access our intuitive capacity and create a bridge to the Divinity within. That is why all the Masters ask us to meditate. Meditation is not an activity. It is not ‘doing’ but ‘being’. Only when we are alone with the Divine can our prayers be heard”.
James was not convinced, “Well, I am just not used to it. I think it is a waste of time sitting around doing nothing. I need to be productive or at least spend my time doing something fun so that I do not waste it. Time is precious and it is best used solving our day to day problems”.
Ravi smiled. The comment is very common. The pace of modern life is so fast that we do not allow ourselves time to rest. Taking time out to be alone is seen as being plain lazy. Ravi was like that once but the Divine has shown him that by doing less, he achieves more. Deepak Chopra calls it the ‘Law of Least Effort’. While most people use a lot of energy resisting the present moment, struggling to change circumstances, and forcing outcomes, the ‘Law of Least Effort’ is about redirecting one’s energy so that one’s life flow with effortless ease. One does not waste one’s valuable life energy in endeavours that create unnecessary friction.
Ravi said “Anthony Robbins is one of your favourite Self-Improvement Guru right?”
“Y…e….s…?” responded James warily.
“You were the one who told me this story. What did he do when his financial advisor cheated him and he was near bankruptcy?”
James grinned as it became clear to him where Ravi was getting to, “He went into a retreat to spend time alone.”
Ravi just smiled.
James laughed out loud, “Sometimes we can look at something without seeing it”.
Ravi smiled and nodded, “There is something more harmful than boredom and loneliness”.
James narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, “And what is that?”
“The fear of boredom and loneliness”
James nodded in total agreement. He has friends who married the wrong people or stayed married in an abusive marriage because of the fear of loneliness. James could not understand them but he can see why now. The fear of boredom makes us spend too much money on distractions and fill ourselves with intoxicants in the name of fun.
Ravi continued, “This fear is like hearing a loud growl in the dark and thinking that it is a fierce dog but when one shines a light towards the sound, it is just a cute little puppy which has an uncanny ability to imitate a large dog.”
James laughed, “You make it all sound like life is just a big joke.”
Ravi joined in the laughter, “It is; that is why they said that the Buddha laughed when he achieved enlightenment.”
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