By Desmond Yeoh SC
Suffering is a shared human experience, yet we have the power to minimize its hold on our lives through intentional practices. Two approaches stand out in this effort: adopting a principle of not harming others and embracing mindfulness to free ourselves from unhelpful thought patterns.
The first approach revolves around the idea that by refraining from harming others, we create a ripple effect of peace and reduce potential conflicts. For example, when we avoid actions that could provoke retaliation, such as seeking revenge, we break the cycle of hostility that perpetuates suffering. Mahatma Gandhi’s wisdom, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind,” serves as a timeless reminder of the importance of compassion. Furthermore, living honestly frees us from the burden of fear that accompanies deceit. Mark Twain famously said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything,” capturing the liberating nature of truthfulness. Respecting others’ boundaries also fosters mutual understanding and prevents unnecessary conflict. Even small acts, like offering generosity in place of greed, can ease burdens and deepen connections. These practices help create a harmonious environment and significantly reduce interpersonal suffering.
The second approach focuses on addressing the psychological suffering caused by unhelpful thought patterns. Dwelling on past grievances traps us in cycles of pain that serve no purpose. Buddha once compared anger to grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—it is you who gets burned. This analogy illustrates the harm we inflict upon ourselves by clinging to negative emotions. Releasing such grievances can bring immense relief. Another example is catastrophic thinking, where we imagine worst-case scenarios that may never come to pass. Mindfulness enables us to detach from these fears and focus on reality, alleviating unnecessary anxiety.
When negative emotions arise from our thoughts, it is not necessary to engage in a mental battle or argue with these thoughts. Instead, we simply need to recognize and accept their presence, understanding that they are generating unnecessary bad feelings. By acknowledging their impact, rather than resisting or amplifying them, we can let them pass more easily. As Eckhart Tolle beautifully expressed, “Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” This awareness helps us step back and see these thoughts for what they are—temporary mental activity, rather than absolute truths.
Self-compassion is equally transformative, as it allows us to replace harsh self-criticism with kindness, fostering emotional resilience. Comparisons with others often breed dissatisfaction and envy, but recognizing their futility helps us find contentment in our own journey. These mental habits shape our inner world and empower us to break free from self-inflicted suffering.
By practicing kindness toward others and cultivating mindfulness within ourselves, we take significant steps toward reducing suffering. Progress does not demand perfection; it requires persistence and intention. As the Dalai Lama once said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” These approaches together create a life filled with greater peace and less suffering.
In conclusion, while suffering is an unavoidable aspect of life, we have the capacity to alleviate its intensity and diminish the negative emotions that arise from challenging experiences. By embracing thoughtful practices and cultivating mindfulness, we can navigate life’s difficulties with greater resilience and a sense of inner peace.
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